I believe for the first time in 8 years of dealing with my treatment resistant depression I finally have some clarity as to how I ended up this way. I was reading a blog from GetWellSoon about how corporate life is causing him to feel as though he doesn’t belong to that environment and it reminded me of myself when I first went into the corporate world.
I had been working as an accountant since I was 19 years old through out college at a small friendly office. After I graduated from college I excitedly got a corporate accounting job in the public sector . It didn’t take long for me feel paralyzed from depression and anxiety. But I kept going. I changed jobs and went into private accounting. My depression got worse. I started my own company and took a small break until being sucked back into another corporate job. I was making 6 figures by this time. I should have been happy. My parents believed I should be happy. But I wasn’t. My depression and anxiety became more severe during this time. I’m now 32 and have been disabled temporarily as the result of pushing myself in doing something I did not like. I feel tremendous guilt every single day for being unhappy.
I have a few theories as to why not only I but others are starting to feel this way. One, our corporate world and that time is money. Two, are not meant to be stuck in front of computers for 8 to 12 and sometimes even more on other days. Three, social media. Four, our political climate.
We see constant messages on social media that tell us we should be happy with our economic success. I got off of social media because I was sick of seeing messages about boss ladies and grinding. Simultaneously, the political negativity going on around us is overwhelming. We wake up to negative news every day! Today’s is about how the USA wants to start a war with Iran to protect our freedoms in the Persian Gulf. Why are our freedoms over there? ( I could write a whole post about this – I’ll stop here so I won’t get carried away )
I’m seeing more posts of people agreeing that we are on the brink of something. It may be Armageddon or a collective consciousness revolution. I have to agree because I have certainly noticed a rise in people seeking treatment for their mental illness while our homeless population is on the rise tremendously as a result of addiction or untreated mental illnesses.
It’s hard pretending like we are satisfied working jobs that suck our souls out. There are certainly people who love their jobs and are very proud of their business accomplishments. The contrast which is on display on social media causes our mental torn-moil for those of us who are unhappy.
I often wondered why can not just ” plunge into change” and become one with it as my favorite philosopher Allan Watts suggests. However, then I remember the following quote from Jidda Krishnamaturi which makes me feel confident that our mental illnesses are a result of unrealistic expectations from us and not the latter:
” It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society ”
So if you are feeling this way please know you are not alone and two GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA!